BIRDS AREN'T REAL

We hold certain truths to be evident and absolute:

1) All birds have been replaced by the United States government by surveillance drones. These drones consistently download their surroundings, always watching us and all we do.

2) Bird droppings are actually liquid tracking material. This meticulously designed material is being tracked and recorded by the surveillance drone that dropped it. The droppings were designed to not be touched. Touching (or smudging) the material can disrupt the radioactive waves emanating from them.

3) Any person that refuses to see the truth of these drones must be on the government teet. They believe anything that the government tells them.